While You Wait


Dear sweet friend of mine,

I hear it in your voice-a longing to bring babies home, a desire to love the fatherless and unwanted. You are eager to move and excited to take your first steps on this road less traveled. I see it in your eyes-a passion to run fearlessly into the pain and suffering of orphans. I know the ache of your heart as you wait and pray and dream of what life will look like when you are found in the beauty of your calling. There are roadblocks and speed bumps that pop up in a myriad of ways. Your heart is heavy and your spirit is burdened but you can’t move. You want to. But you’re stuck.

Maybe its your husband. He has NO desire to bring another child into your home. He can barely manage the ones you have. Or maybe he isn’t so cold. He’s just lukewarm. He’s not opposed but he certainly isn’t on board with your plans of growing your family through foster care. That’s the husband I knew. I used to feel like we would never see eye to eye on this particular topic. What you see in my life now is the fruit of many prayers.

God is much better at softening your husband’s heart to foster care and adoption than you. So start whispering your deepest desires to a Creator that cares and sees and knows. Let him do the calling. 

It will be a beautiful thing when you look back and see with clarity the way your husband changed and grew and moved. But what if he doesn’t? What if he never gets it? What if you never see things the same?

Pray anyway. Love him and serve him. Ask God to reveal places you can serve that may look different than the journey in your vision. Proverbs 16:3, “Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans“.  You can still serve God and care for orphans right now but you have to be willing to do it in a different way…for now.

sidenote: Maybe you’re single. You don’t see marriage on the horizon but your desire to love is great. I need to be honest, having a husband to relieve and carry this burden of brokenness is a great blessing and it certainly makes the miserable moments more bearable. But you CAN do this without a husband.

Maybe the wait for a water test is holding up your home study. Insert eye roll. My list of annoyances that slammed the breaks on our licensing process are endless. I was dying to finish it all but at every turn there was one more paper to sign and one more background to check and one more copy of an insurance card to make. Don’t even get me started on the temperature of our fridge. Yes, they check that.

You may be in the wait for a placement. Whether its your first or your fiftieth, the wait can bring emotions on repeat. Your cellphone is wedged between your hip and your yoga pants (or is that just me?) and every ring makes your heart beat a little faster. You check your text messages every 30 seconds just in case the social worker couldn’t reach you by phone. And sometimes you text her just to “check in” because, well, you never know.

There will always be something to wait on.

In this mess, I’ve waited on paperwork and phone calls, court dates and psych evals, unsupervised visits and reunifications. I’ve waited on OT, PT and speech appointments, neurology checkups and apnea monitors. I’ve waited for the health department and the state and the other state. I am horrible at the waiting. I’m always ready for the next step to be made clear so I can act.

But with all this waiting, I have found that God is there in the stillness and the quiet. He is present in the doldrums, when the seas seem to be stagnant and unmoved. He is still powerful and aware. He doesn’t need me to rush things along. This doesn’t mean I can’t be a loud voice of advocacy for my kids or persistent in my efforts to make things happen, it just means that I can trust him even when I can’t see the timeline.

He knows your longings and I can assure you those deep desires to care for the abandoned and abused only come from him because he is love. You can be used in mighty ways right where you are. Let him write your story. Rest in the wait because the wait is a beautiful place to hear and see and know him.

And what happens in the wait will reveal his character in you…and his character is the very thing that will draw others to know him so you can change the world one baby, one family and one “the wait is over” at a time.


  1. Marlene Vazquez | 24th Feb 15

    Hi Kristy,Each time I read your posts, 2 things happen… without fail, my heart hurts and I cry and my heart smiles and I laugh.  I then find myself taking in a deep breath and saying, “ok, you CAN do this!”  My name is Marlene and my husband I became licensed foster parents a year ago for many reasons, one of which was in the hopes of adoption.  In September of 2014, we became foster parents to our first little guy.  He came to us at 21 months old and is now 27 months old and to say that this has been the most difficult, heart wrenching and emotional journey we have ever been on is an understatement. The first day I read your entry, “Hard Just Isn’t Easy” felt like it was a message from above.  My friend, who knows what we have been going through, sent me the link to your entry that day via Facebook.  It was a Sunday afternoon, and I literally received the notification on my phone minutes after my little guy had just finished having his very frequent and intense tantrums while we were at a playground.  As I stood there feeling everyone’s eyes and judgement on us and feeling the sting from his slap still fresh on my face, the tears welled up and I truly thought, “I can’t do this anymore, it’s just too hard…” and my phone went off with the notification that I had a message.   I began reading right then and there standing in the middle of the park with his screams still going loud and could barely keep it together. Your words were so beautifully and honestly written.  I cried as I read the words and so desperately related to everything you wrote.  Since then, I look forward to your posts and each time I am done reading, I feel like I can continue another day. That I am not the only person feeling this way.  Our beautiful little boy comes with so many traumas and so much hurt and brokenness that it shows itself as anger, aggression and pure pain.  There are days I am not sure how to continue to give him what he needs, but when I read your entries… I believe I can.  I know that I want to.  I so deeply want to help him heal and feel loved and safe. Thank you so much for sharing your story.  I feel so alone sometimes in this journey as it never quite feels like anyone truly “understands” what loving a child who has been through so very much is really like. Marlene 🙂

    From: This Hard Calling To: marlene8032@yahoo.com Sent: Sunday, February 22, 2015 4:09 PM Subject: [New post] While You Wait #yiv8668490626 a:hover {color:red;}#yiv8668490626 a {text-decoration:none;color:#0088cc;}#yiv8668490626 a.yiv8668490626primaryactionlink:link, #yiv8668490626 a.yiv8668490626primaryactionlink:visited {background-color:#2585B2;color:#fff;}#yiv8668490626 a.yiv8668490626primaryactionlink:hover, #yiv8668490626 a.yiv8668490626primaryactionlink:active {background-color:#11729E;color:#fff;}#yiv8668490626 WordPress.com | Kristy posted: “Dear sweet friend of mine,I hear it in your voice-a longing to bring babies home, a desire to love the fatherless and unwanted. You are eager to move and excited to take your first steps on this road less traveled. I see it in your eyes-a passion to” | |

  2. kristadulaney | 25th Feb 15

    This post came at the most perfect time for me. Thank you!

  3. Brittany | 14th Nov 15

    Oh my goodness, thank you for writing this. That is so where my heart has been, with my husband as well, thinking nothing is ever going to change, but even after 11 years of marriage, I see the Lord working, I see things changing. Not in the way I ever would have thought. But there’s hope. Hope that this vision I have might not be crazy. And yes, I can serve now, and God is doing so much. But thank you for writing this, it validates that the waiting is real, even if nothing has begun, it began in my heart so so many years ago.

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