How Our Family Makes Decisions in Foster Care


One simply complex decision to take the next step to sign up for foster parent classes flowed into licensing and saying yes to our first placement. Since then, we have stood countless crossroads, sometimes paralyzed by the whirl of opinions and choices and what ifs.

And nothing, NOTHING, is ever as easy as it appears. The variables in a case are often too many to number. It’s impossible to give adequate time considering each one. Case workers, licensing agencies, birth parents, extended family, our own kids, transportation issues, behavior challenges and our own exhaustion distort our view.

There’s no formula that fixes every situation. No experienced professional can give answers to all of our questions. Guidance, yes. Unequivocal direction, no.

So how do we make decisions when the waters are muddy and the visibility is zero and reason can’t compete with faith?

There are a lamp posts that light the way even when foster life feels like a crapshoot.


If you aren’t starting here, you will always second-guess yourself, your ability and your circumstances.

Pray together. Pray apart. Seek wise counsel. Lean in. Discern. And Wait.

After my husband and I pray, we talk.

Talking can take anywhere from minutes to days…sometimes weeks. I thrive in conversation.

Then comes time to make a move but we don’t step until these two things occur, unity and peace.


As a believer, I trust that part of God’s provision is found in the discernment of my husband. As a wife who loves control and crazy, this is never done without a little eye rolling and lots of tears. However, I respect my man enough to trust him with my heart. I know that as he seeks the Lord, sometimes our views will differ.

He is routinely applying the brakes while I’m over here stepping on the gas.

And the brakes always win. Always.

No matter how emotional the game gets, we never move unless we’re unified.


Nothing covers us more completely than God’s peace. Even when the “yes” sounds crazy to the world (or just to our case worker) our unified steps are secure.

We trust in more than case plans and goals and good intentions.

Listen to that small voice. Give it some credit and pause to listen. Sometimes peace says stay and sometimes it pushes you off the cliff.

This is such a simple method for making decisions, but it’s how we keep moving and breathing and saying yes to kids from hard places.

Wherever you are, nothing is impossible to solve. Sometimes respite turns to forever. Or maybe a request for an overcap is needed to keep siblings together. Or what about a call for a kid out of our age range?

So. Many. Decisions.

Other times, my emotions are raging and chaos takes control and I can’t even breathe because the weight of this choice controls the destiny of these little people in my arms.

And there aren’t any tears left.

And the darkness has left little room for light.

But even in the dark, especially in the dark, decisions can be made and our hearts can rest in the sweet peace of Jesus, friend.

When the heaviness of everyone else’s burdens is causing your knees to bend under it’s load, unity and peace.

Even in the crazy, unity and peace.

Even in the tired, unity and peace.

Even in the dark, unity and peace.

Even in the unknown. Because isn’t it all unknown?

Or is it?

Even still, unity and peace.


  1. Jill | 28th Dec 15

    thank you for your blog!! Unity and peace. We are in a hard placement right now. Thanks for the reminders. You generally write something that I really need to hear at that exact day! Bless you!

    • Kristy | 29th Dec 15

      praying for you. for peace. and unity and clarity of direction. trust the holy spirit to move and discern. its all hard…but so very important.

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