I’m a dreamer. I’m a doer. I can’t stand stagnation.
I need my plate full, my to do list long and my next challenge in sight. I want to press on at full speed and I find myself in eager anticipation for the next adventure. And I HATE waiting.
I’ve always been this way. I was ready to go to college, get a degree, find a husband and birth some babies before I even started kindergarten. My head has had visions of nexts for as long as I can remember.
Then God called me into foster care. I kept on dreaming but I started learning a whole new level of standing still.
First, I waited for God to move on my husband’s heart. That’s enough to kill a woman.
Then we waited for weeks as we endured thirty hours of educational classes that qualified us to take the next step.
And of course there were the home visits, home inspections, water tests, background checks, character reference forms to fill out, financial documents to attain, physicals to complete, and then a radon mitigation. Weeks of people in and out of our house (and UNDER our house) to make sure we wouldn’t all die of toxic radon fumes. That was painful to the pocketbook and took FOR. EVER.
Then we waited for paperwork to be reviewed and signed and sent. blah blah blah blah blah.
Those long days plunged me into purgatory as we anticipated a call at any moment to let us know our license was approved and we could take a placement. No one seemed to be in a hurry except us-except me.
On August 30, 2011, we got a call that turned waiting into working. YES! My time to shine. I thought the wait was over. But I just found another long list of holdups.
We waited for the first meeting with our little girl’s birth mom.
Then we waited for each court date, judicial review, home visit, and decisions by case workers and judges. We waited for physical therapy and occupational therapy spots to secure and evaluations to be completed. There were counseling appointments and referrals for other random things I never knew kids needed.
The wait wasn’t gone, it had simply refashioned its form.
I’m stuck in the doldrums of this journey again.
The wait is the same now but so very different. While I don’t know what I’m waiting on, I have grown wiser in the how. I know that Jesus is walking right here. He’s waiting too. He’s waiting for HOPE to burst forth and be fully realized. He’s waiting for safety and permanency and life to be poured into desperate families.
This risky road of life is full of waiting, and I don’t want to waste it.
My sweet foster mama friend, don’t let the enemy steal your joy in the pauses and pain of delays and detours. Ask the Lord what he wants to teach you about his character in the now because tomorrow will come and then next week and even next year. The baby in your arms will be gone and your control lost. You can’t do a thing about the outcome, but you can do something beautiful with the present.
The richness and revelation found in it is a treasure. Dig deep and find him. Don’t rush into tomorrow because its just full of more waiting.
Don’t waste your wait.