I have a dear friend.
Her heart is incredible and she is walking a journey of listening, discerning, obedience and heart change. I received an email from her last week that sounded so desperate and so exhausted and I thought some other mamas may need to hear this truth in my reply to her…
sweet (insert your name),
I am now home-reading your email again and responding. I almost dialed your number but for some reason I feel led to type out my words of encouragement and affirmation right now. Maybe so you can read them again and again (I don’t even know what I am going to type but it must be good:)
I love you. When I read your words about being battle weary, my soul sank to the moments over the past few months when I felt the same way. My heart empathized with each word and emotion about your unbelief. I know what it feels like to think God must have chosen the wrong mom. That I heard his calling incorrectly. That there is no way I can follow where he is leading. That I will NEVER feel that deep JOY or belief or drive again. I was completely broken but it felt so so so lonely. I could barely muster up the words to share at times because it just all felt so hopeless and dead. My daily flood of tears felt refreshing, but only for a few moments. Only until the reality of my situation hit me again like a wave sweeping me off of my feet. How could God be so good while I felt so crappy?
The tunnel was dark. It was quiet-deafening at times. It was lonely. Friends that offered encouragement felt so far away even when they held me in their embrace as I sobbed through the pain. They didn’t really understand and their words dropped short of my need for connection.
The darkness seemed too dark at times. I didn’t just want to give up, I did.
But then there was hope. Small rays of light shined through the darkness. Because the dark cannot overtake the light. Psalm 112:4 says, “When darkness overtakes the godly, light will come BURSTING IN!”
I am praying for the LIGHT of Jesus to come bursting in tonight for you.
This song will encourage you. He is all you need. Keep looking to him, dear friend. You will come out of the tunnel and your journey will finally look like something beautiful. I can already see the shimmer of your obedience, sacrifice, desire and weakness. I can only imagine the view our King has…watching his beloved daughter walk in surrender.
My heart is overflowing because of the joy your friendship brings to me.
UPDATE: My friend at the end of this original email just returned home from China with her fourth child. Looking back on this letter reminds me of God’s faithfulness to those who are bold enough to step into their calling.
Be bold, foster mama friend.
Find courage in your weakness…its so very beautiful.